Can't sleep.....

I was tired about an hour or so ago when I was talking to the kids but now I am wide awake and out of meds to help me fall asleep. I will need to go see the DOC tomorrow, he is trying to get me some Lunesta which is much better than Ambian so the DOC says. We will see once I get some and can try it for myself. So here I lay in my bed watching the clock change thinking about all the things I have to get done in the next few days and its no wonder I am not sleeping. But I have downloaded a metric ton of music on this thing and I am listening to so great songs while I type this post on my iPad. I put over two hundred songs on here and for the life of me I have no idea why I don't listen to music more when I am at home. It can be so inspirational and make you really think about so many things not always a great thing but none the less music makes you think. Just like watching a movie, Shirley sent me a movie in their last care package to me and she included the movie Pitch Perfect. It was a really cute movie and it too made me think about all sorts of things. Who knows maybe I can't sleep because my brain is in over drive and just can't seem to slow down from all the things I have spent most of my evening thinking about. This music is awesome and I which I had a stereo and not just a set of head phones. Not that they don't sound just amazing because they do, I am just saying. I am fourth seven years old and time is just clicking bye, how do we slow it down? I feel like time is passing by so quickly lately, I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I have so much to keep me busy and that I am in this wonderful place I would not like to call home. I miss my home and I miss my family, I hope that they are doing well and that time is passing quickly for all of them as well!! Girls I hope that things are going great for all of you and that things are going pretty normal for the four of you. I feel like I am all over the road with this post, I must be getting fired again I am having trouble trying to keep my thoughts straight. I was telling Robby earlier that we have Seal Team Six on our FOB they moved in this month and the too are in retrograde operations. We are trying to shift focus to retrograde operations and less offensive operations but sometimes we don't get a vote in what is going on around us. Needless to say Jonny Jihad has a vote and he knows that his fighting season is just around the corner. Once all the snow in the mountain passes melts because we all know that snow and sandals do not mix. I have a lot of new Pilots here this time and it would be great to take them all home without having to pull one trigger. It would be nice if they would just stay down in Pakistan till we are completely out of here. Hey once we leave they can have this stinking country and they can take it all the way back to the stone ages if they want. All I know is we tried, we tried to bring them out of the stone ages and helped them to develop a democracy and they truly have no interest in advancing this nation to anything more than an opium producing drug cartel ran and dominated country. The majority of these people will continue to be enslaved to the few drug lord territory controlling thugs that are just waiting for us to leave so they can move back in and control through force. The whole thing makes me sick but there comes a time when the people have to stand on their own and take ownership of their own country and make it better. Wow I am all over the map, might be because Bob Dylan just came on and he is still one of my favorites even though he is hard to understand these days, I am sure all the drugs had something to do with that. The times they are a changing, it's amazing how much I love all the old war protester artist but yet here I am sitting in combat 9000 miles from home listening to Dylan and Joplin and a slew of others. But it's ok I know what right looks like and I know that no one was harmed in the making of all this music, and it rocks and is great to listen to. Well I think I need to give it another try to try and fall asleep, I hope I have not wasted anyone's time trying to keep up with my over active thought processing brain that has been all over the road map tonight. To all my family and friends, night all

Sunday 24 Feb

Not a bad day, I spent most of it reviewing awards for the entire Task Force, Ouch, but it has made the day go by quickly so who cares. No mail today but I hope to get another package from the girls soon although Shirley has all ready told me that the video she thought she sent was still in the computer. Well that just gives me more to look forward to next time I get mail. I flew 5 hours last night doing a Pilot in Command check ride on one of our new CW2's Dave Stewart, we now have one more PIC to help with the work load. I am not staying in the office late tonight I need to get back to my room and try to Face Time with the family before boy child goes back to school. I will post soon, night all

Shirley

I spent most of my night watching what few videos I have of my little girl doing some amazing things. She is such a gifted young lady and she should be proud of the wonderful things that she has accomplished in her life. One video that I came across was her in her room singing a song and playing the keyboard to a song that she tought herself to play and sing in just two days. She always gets so mad at me for being the proud father and showing this video to anybody, I sure wish I had fast Internet I would put it up, but I can't. But I am going to post the lyrics it's a great song especially when she is singing it....

By the time I was your age I'd give anything to fall in love truly
was all I could think,
that's when I met your mother
the girl of my dreams,
the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen.
She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
"I can't help but notice you staring at me,
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."
Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things.

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink
and we'd laugh at the stars and share everything.
Too young to notice and too dumb to care,
love was a story that couldn't compare.
I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?
"I made you a present with paper and string,
open with care now, I'm asking you please,
you know that I love you,
will you marry me?"

Now son I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things
you'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently.

She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing?
"It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please don't be sad now, I really believe,
you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees.

So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose
if you're given the choice, I'm begging you choose to walk away, walk away,
don't let it get you, I can't bare to see the same happen to you.

Now son, I'm only telling you this, because life can do terrible things.

Well it is a little hard to read when you don't know how the music goes but I will tell you this, when Shirley sings it you can't help but to tear up. Shirley life is in front of you and you have to go after what ever you want, you can do whatever you want, you can accomplish whatever you want. Don't ever let anyone tell you no or you can't do that because you can, you can do and be whatever you see yourself becoming. Mom and I have faith in all three of you kids, look at your brother, he has a vision and nothing will get in his way, nothing will stop him from becoming what he wants to become. It is not hard to be proud of you three kids, Marie we have done good, we are not done yet but our kids are so on track to be great people that we will be so proud of. I know this to be true I feel it in my heart. Rob I know you are working so hard to become an Officer in the Army and I hope things don't down size before you get that chance. But always know that if you apply the same work ethic to any job you get after collage that you are applying to your studies you will be successful. The Army is not for everybody, there are challenges that are often hard to deal with but in my heart I know it was the right choice for me. I often think though about the hardships that the Army has put you three kids through and it chokes me up sometimes. Especially when I think about my childhood friends that I played with each and every day after school from the first grade on. And living in the same house until I was own my own living with your Mom. I hope that you guys don't ever feel cheated, because I sometimes feel like I cheated you three in some ways. Not to mention the fact that I have missed out on so many things in your lives with all the time I have spent away from the four of you. I am blessed to be your father and I thank God for the three of you every day. Your Mom and I will be lucky to have you three picking out our old folks home, time to call home...... Night all

Two nights in a row

Well it's been nice video chatting with Robby the last two nights, he is doing so well with everything I am so proud of him. Last night I was up till after 0200 talking with the girls, that too was really nice. I have been pretty busy this week I was tasked to review all of the deployment awards, you all know me I am the last one to be looking at one page narratives on what folks did while they were here for grammar and spelling errors. But hey I will do the best that I can, at least I also get to make recommendations on upgrading or downgrading said awards. Most of our pilots and crew chiefs will receive Air Medals and they are all so deserving, as for the rest of the folks here at FOB Wolverine they will receive all sorts of awards based on their duty performance and what their job was. As for me I will be happy receiving a certificate of get the hell out of Afghanistan. Not that we have one of those but it would be nice, I have never done the job for recognition I have always done the job for my love of flying. However as of late in my currant job as the Task Force SIP/CWOB I find myself flying less and spending a little more time at my desk covering down on things that I am not particularly fond of. Like I said in an earlier post I just initiated the paperwork to end Brad Craig's flying Carrer which I had a hard time with. I tried so hard to motivate him and to get him back on the horse but in the end it was his decision to stop flying and I had to respect that. Little did I know that I would then spend the next two weeks talking the Boss off the tower from going after this kid with both barrels. LTC Schaap wanted to continue to push this kid and keep him flying and I guess for the Boss that has to be his party line of thinking. But I had to explain to the Boss that Brad came forward and spoke the truth and told us that he just did not feel that he could perform as a good pilot and we had to respect that. I continued to explain that if anything where to happen while Brad was out flying even if it had nothing to do with Brad the accident investigation team that will come over here from Ft Rucker to investigate the accident will rip through his command and end his career and mine too. They would be like, let us get this straight, this pilot came to you and said he did not feel he was up to performing as a pilot and you sent him out anyway? Yea your both fired!!

Time seems to be going by pretty fast over here this time, not nearly the free time I had on the last deployment, not much time to watch TV or movies I spend most days either flying or in the office for 10 to 14 hours a day. I have lots to keep up on, but I don't mind we have a great Task Force filled with many great people and I am lucky to have the job I have. The army is over 500,000 troops strong and me and ten other lucky guys or gals are blessed with the responsibility of being the SIP for one of eleven AH-64D units in the Army. And for me to be lucky enough to get this job for the most deployed combat unit in the Army is an honor and a privilege that I will remember for the rest of my life. Now I just need to make sure I don't screw it up....well it's five minutes till two AM so I need to hit it, night all

Sad day

Not for me but any time I have to start the paperwork for a flight evaluation board is a sad day. One of my Apache pilots that failed an evaluation with me after I was done asking him questions for his APART took three sheets of paper out of his pocket and be an to explain to me that he feels that he can fly the aircraft and talk on radioes and shoot the weapon systems. But when asked to do all of those things at the same time, he feels that he will never be able to accomplish that. I respect his honesty, however that leaves me one pilot short with no one inbound. We will get buy and we will make the mission work but none the less we are a man down. I respect his feelings I think a lot of it is the fact that he feels that he could never forgive himself if he can not do his job in the aircraft well enough to keep the guys on the ground safe. I know how he feels that is something we all have to deal with, sometimes when things are going kinetic and you have 60 friendlies on the ground and you are trying to keep eyes on the front line trace it gets really hard to keep an eye on all things going on. But we do the best we can do and hope for the best.

I will be trying to face time with the girls here in a little while, I tried to catch up with my Boy but I guess he got caught up with something at school. I miss you Rob I will try to reach you on Facebook tomorrow. I enjoyed talking to you yesterday while the girls were out in Savannah and I hope to FaceTime with you the weekend after this one. I hope your FTX goes well, and you have a good time.

As for me I am keeping busy I fly less than most which is good because I have five times the paperwork to keep up on than most as well. Tomorrow I get my first batch of deployment awards to start reviewing. It makes no sense to me that the awards have to be turned in so soon and I really don't know why I am part of the reviewing committee. It's me the LTC and the Sergeant Major and we have to look at all of them. That will keep me busy for the next few weeks I am sure. I have been trying to take as many pictures and video as I can of FOB Wolverine we are under way starting to tear this place down and it's only a matter of time before this place looks nothing like it did when we got here. I have no idea what the future holds for us here, we are being told that we will be moved north to FOB Apache and we will operate our mission set from there. Only time will tell and there is even some rumor that some of us might even get home a little early. I try not to listen to any rumor because nine times out of ten they never work put the way you want them to. Well it's about 12:30 AM here I think I will try to call the Girls, night all

Another long day

Well it started out pretty good, but today was pilots briefs which I like to do at three different times which makes it a little easier for all the pilots to attend. So my day starts a little earlier and ends a little later all in all it's ok. Tried to FaceTime with Elli but she is not home yet so I figured that I would put a quick post up and try her again. Did have some news today my top secret clearance was finally approved, thanks to all of you that we're interviewed and sorry for the inconvenience. It is good for five years and once you have one complete it kind of easy to get renewed if I end up finding a job outside the Army that needs one. There are of plenty of jobs out there so I have been told but I think once I am done with the Army I want to be done.

I posted into Elli's journal again tonight, I really love that thing she did such a good job keeping it a secret, miss you Elli....

I am flying tomorrow, I will be giving the newest pilot in our task force an instrument check ride I can only imagine how that will go. Time will tell, we have two brand new LT's that we just got right before we left. They just got issued flight gear a week or so ago so I am sure they are both ready to get their flight training on. It's hard to be leave that I started twenty years ago on my own flight training. WOCS in October of 1992 and flight school in January of 1993. Time has gone by so quick how can we slow it down so I can cherish it and savor every day? Oh well speaking of time it's time to call my Girls, night all

Shirley's first match

How could I not post tonight, I have never been so proud of one of my kids from 9000 miles away. Marie what can I say but thanks to you and Elli for bringing me to the tennis match live from your iPad. And Shirley you played like a rock star, but I want you to include what ever footage you super sister captured for you on my next video. I have never been so happy over here that will Cary me through a few weeks for sure. Like I was telling Mom today was not a great day for me I am in the process of ending the Carrer of one of my kids who is right out of flight school. It's really hard for me too because I can respect and understand where he is coming from, he in no way want to be responsible for lives on the ground based on his ability in the aircraft. He told me he feels that he can fly ok and that when he shot gunnery with me he thought he did ok, which he did, he was not do to bad. But when it comes to listening to five different radioes and keeping the sensor on thirty different friendly forces on the ground who are running from building to building he knows in his heart he will never be able to master the skill set that is required to perform his job in the aircraft. And in his own words " I will never allow myself to put troops in harms way because I am not quick enough at my job in the helicopter " I feel for him but I also know that I have a job to do so my recommendation to the Boss will be that we sit him until the outcome of the FEB ( flight evaluation board ) is complete. He is a great kid and he has a great work ethic so hopefully the Army will let him retrain into something else and allow him to remain a Warrant Officer, but that is not for us to decide.

Well now it's two thirty and I have to be up early but I just wanted to thank Marie and Elli one more time for bringing me to Shirley's tennis match with them today. That was awesome and I will never forget how proud of her I was she played like a pro and it was great to watch her from the other side of the world. I love all you girls and Robby I wish I could be there with you tomorrow when you get welcomed into the honor society for maintaining your 4.0 GPA I am so proud of you too. I miss all you guys so much, good night to all of you......

It's been a few days

Wow what can I say it's getting a little busy. Not busy with bad guys but busy with paperwork and email traffic. We are in the process of trying to figure out how we are going to turn this FOB into a gravel parking lot when we leave. I have been through this before in my short Army career when we left Albania we left that place with nothing everything we brought we took with us when we left. This place though will be a little different we will still be conducting combat operations till the last day we are here.

Well today was Patch day, which means that all of our Soldiers that did not have a combat patch received there first combat patch that they will wear for ever more on their right shoulder right under their United States Flag. It was a pretty big to do I took as many pictures as I could but the whole thing was just too fast. LTC. Schaap patched all the new Commanders that did not all ready have a patch and then they went and patched their companies so it started slow and got quicker and quicker. All and all it was pretty good event.

Tonight I was able to talk to Robby and the girls minus Shirley who was at tennis practice. I got to talk to Robby in his room at GSU and the girls I FaceTimed with at the house. And now it's about 0215 in the morning and I need to hit it I have a busy day tomorrow. I hope to start writing more in the future I will be close to having all the progressions and APARTS done and I plan on cutting back on how many days I fly over here. Right now I fly around five days in ever week on a rotational basis but I hope to cut that down to three to four. We will see oh well till next time, night all

How goes the WAR

Not trying to be funny, just trying to figure out what it is we are suppose to be doing over here? We fly to protect the ground units and keep them out of harms way, we are their eyes and ears from above we can see beyond that next ridge line. We know what right is suppose to look like and most of us older guys can sure pick out what wrong looks like too. It's not a game we are not trying to win points we identify potential trouble spots and we ask for permission to make those troubled spots go away so it's safer for the ground units that we are paid to protect. Again it's not rocket science, it's a job that has to be done and the rules for getting the job done seem to just keep getting harder and harder. I know that all who I serve with would just love to pack up all our toys and go home, but we still have a job to do here, we still have ground troops outside the wire and in harms way so please just let us do our job. Please try not to pretend that you are in my aircraft seeing what it is that I am seeing feeling threatened like I am feeling threatened and then telling me that I don't have a shot based on some crazy rules that a room full of attorneys dreamt up from back in the States. If that is what this has all come to then keep the troops inside the wire and let's start the retrograde sooner as apposed to later. Lets not loose one more life in this country for no reason, lets get all our troops home as soon as we can. But if this is not what this war has come too, stay out of my cockpit and let me do my job.

Ok venting session is over, I am not on the schedule till Friday which is when I give the A company Commander her APART check ride. She should be in pretty good spirits her husband Rich got to come for a visit from TK. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for both of them. CPT Barnett is a company commander and Rich is one of our Tactical Operations officers, he is a CW2 and he can't be here because he is a company grade officer and he can't work for his wife. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for the both of them to have to both be over here and worry about each other. Well anyway her and I will fly for about 5 hours or so and she will demonstrate many flight maneuvers we will start off doing CMF( combat maneuvering flight) during the day and then progress into the night doing all the base task. Then we will finish up with instruments, which are a lot better this trip. We have a radar approach this time which is an approach where an air traffic controller basically talks you down based on what he or she sees you doing on their radar screen. So if the weather goes to crap and you find yourself in the clouds they can radar vector you down to the airfield. It is nice to have them and their equipment here it kind of gives us all a feeling of safety. I know from my last tour Bob Roebuck and I launched to an urgent medevac and they told us when we left that we would not have the weather to get back to Salerno but we launched anyway knowing that someone was hurt and on their golden hour so we figured we would figure out how to get back after we were mission complete. Ultimately we found ourselves scurrying around the mountains flying around the clouds trying to find a sucker hole to get back to Salerno. Which we did but it sure would have been nice to call ATC( air traffic controller) and say give me a radar vector and an altitude that will keep me from slamming into the side of a mountain and vector me home. So like I said it is nice to have these guys here with us for this rodeo. Well I am going to try to FaceTime the family and then go to bed I hope all are well, night all